Singles are made in God's image too

I was reading the latest Esquire, The State of the American Man, which was an amazing issue. In the past I’ve mentioned the interest some have in the so-called feminization of the Church, but this was an amazing critique on how the men are different today than say 50 years ago, for the better and worse.

One thing which struck me was a snippet of 25 year old American men from a broad spectrum, socially, racially, geographically, etc, and they printed their picture and one sentence of what their answers were to something like “what it’s like to be 25”.

Here are two answers which caught my attention.

My dad, a great guy, drops hints about his life around his twenty-fifth year, but I really have no clue how the old man got down. I can only assume that I wile a watered-down existence in comparison. – Cary Latham, Rhode Island

Being a husband and providing for my future wife and helping to lead our life in God is a huge, awesome responsibility. I’m looking forward to it. – Haraz Ghanbari, Virginia

Is there a problem with those two answers?
Fundamentally, I think so.
First, you have Cary, whose experience is not unique, who somehow feels “lesser” than his father because he’s not the manly man, married, two kids, mortgage, etc. He, and many men my age, have been taught that we’re odd because we haven’t married in our early 20’s, we don’t have kids in our early 20’s, and we haven’t settled down to live the American Dream. Sadly, the Church has played a part in shaping this thinking as well. It has done this by neglecting the teaching of identity. Cary has an identity crisis, and so do many within the Church.

Haraz’s answer takes some of Cary’s identity and brings it into the Church so to speak. He is looking forward to his “future wife”. It does not say if he’s engaged, but it does give an insight. His unmarried life isn’t a huge, awesome responsibility. In the Church, we have a tendency to treat unmarried (and childless married) people as if they are second class Christians. Oftentimes, a pastor will give a sermon illustration about his “single days” and speak of them as if they were the worst days of his life. What does that say to the single people in the congregation? What does that do to shape their identity? How does that help them understand the grounds for their identity (union with Christ)?

What it does do, is tell them their life isn’t great. God has somehow messed up, or they’ve somehow messed up God since they’re single. It tells them you “can’t really be happy” because you’re single. You’re a blundering buffoon without the purpose we married people have.

Now, I say this as a happily married guy and I love being married. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I wouldn’t trade my years of being single for anything in the world either. In reflection upon them, I realize that I spent too much time focusing on how life couldn’t be fulfilling until I was married. Much like people try to make Jen & I feel since we’ve been married for three years and still don’t have kids. But that’s not the case, you can be single and be fulfilled in life.

God has placed everyone in the position they are for a purpose. Our chief end in life is to glorify God and enjoy him! Guess what? That means single people can enjoy life too. That means, not telling single men how much their life sucks because they’re not married, or how there’s so much they can’t enjoy in life because they’re not married. That means, they are valuable because they belong to God. That means, they too are able to build up the Body. They too, are able to contribute to Kingdom work. They too, have worth and value because they have been created in God’s image and bear his creativity upon their lives.

Because of this, we who are not single, have no business shaming singles.
We have no business shaming our “single years” because God put us in that time in our lives. How dare we slander that.